Week 4 Recapper’s Death Dance Part 2

Week 4 maybe you should play a phone game instead

I haven’t looked at a lot of fun stuff on the internet this week.  This is pretty funny.  
Before we recap the individual games here is a quick look at the standings as brought to you by Number Munchers where you can learn how to do math with the goal of finding higher scores in the coming weeks. 
The Ringer is doing an NBA meme contest and its good.  Check it out.  Unless you suck then don’t.
Before we recap the individual games here is a quick look at the standings as brought to you by the Black Hart of STP where you can drink beer, sing, dance, make merry and be about 1,000 from a soccer stadium.

Waiver Wednesday update:

The biggest news that I know of here is that we didn’t change the waiver wire set-up and we need to have a vote to make a decision.  Or just everyone yell and Andy and me to change it.  
Maybe someone in there was a big deal.  Hard to get excited about Fitzmagic getting bench for Winston.  Touchdown Jimmy Jesus to IR and Dez got cut too.  Rough week.  

501st Vs. L.Cpl Underground
Last of the Undefeat-eds
*{shhck} – Imperial troops have entered the base! Imperial troops have en-{shh-pmk}* <Carrier Lost>

Yes the old gypsy hex of pointing out how good someone is came back to bite Nicholas in the fuselage as Tim’s army swarmed the battlefield led by this year’s single biggest gun, Alvin Kamara (29.65 points/game average during Ingram’s absence… sheesh) and a spattering of lesser but still powerful clones like the “sound-playing” Ertz (16.2 for Phi as they lost to Ten. GOOD. Would that they lose many more to come) and Atlanta’s Ridley (19.5 beating projections by 10). After last week it appeared The Colonel could do no wrong, eschewing recommended moves and blasting projections, but parity is an unsentimental goddess, and this week only 3 of Nicholas’s 15 players would score above where the Yahoo Gods™[may they be praised] thought they would. He’ll welcome back Cam Newton and Chris Thompson, but there is a lingering chink in the soldier’s armor as both his tight ends are out. He’ll battle Jeff’s Team this week as LCpl introduces himself to Ray Finkle… probably with his Gun out, in a duel of 2 and 2 teams. Schwartz’ be with you all. 

There has been some chatter on should we switch to free agent blind bidding? Think about it folks.  It’d be fun.  

Search 107.48 v Jeff’s Team 112.6

Live by the former Badgers QB and die by the former Badgers QB. 

Ekim basically did the Texas two-step and filled in the rest with trash.  

Blaming Russ Wil isn’t really fair if Bryon ends up one game out of the playoffs.  Benching Cooper Kupp when he goes off for a potential season-high that’s the sort of thing that sticks with you.  You wake up at 2am and wonder if you should take out Landry or not cause Kupp did light up the Vikes that one time.  There might also be a potential trade here.  Look Ekim won this match-up but he’s putting Nelson Agholor out there on the regular.  Bryon, you give Ekim one of your WR and in return, Michael agrees to play the Miami defense against you forever anytime you guys match-up.  Let’s make it happen.  

In the coming week Ekim you are facing Nick and at present you are a 20pt dog you might wnt to address your lineup.  B-money you are lining up against our resident east-coast west-coaster in Steel House so please protect your coast and let’s not overthink the Kupp thing.  

Bye Week 105.92 vs. Steel House 108.90

Jarrett’s squad mounted their best effort of 2018 but were missing that confidence from their manager in the naming department to get them the extra 3 points needed to notch their first win of the season. Dalvin Cook laid a major goose egg (trade time, Carl?) and Jesse James took a back seat to Vance Magic Vance (for all the good it did SOMEONE), but it looks like he has a DEF worth keeping around. Hobbled Rodgers is surely the leading cause of Bye Week’s woes, but we’ll need to see if McCarthy and A-Rodg can get on the same page. Things are going to get interesting as Doug Baldwin and Mark Ingram start to get some looks for Bye Week. 

Steel House has made a few wise moves beyond auto-drafting (which looks like a great draft strategy to YOURS TRULY right about now), grabbing DeSean Jackson and James Connor, who did just enough to put Tom’s Team over. Looking ahead, his squad could be dangerous. Someone tell him that Alshon is back to ruin fools, or better yet, don’t. And Matty Ice is on a tear, if anyone is looking to trade things up. Who wants a QB controversy each week, anyway? NOT THIS GUY.

Windowless 112.98 v VideoGames 125.28
Nick scooped his projections by 1.40 points.  A pretty solid showing on the week.  THE VIDEO GAMES TUB THUMPED YOU WITH A WHOPPING 30.42 POINT IMPROVEMENT OVER THEIR PROJECTIONS.

Sorry you lost Nick.  You also lost the bench game.  Its not like you lost the real game and then had 82 points on the bench.  Nope Videogames beat you and sat some serious big knockers. 

This loss has set-up a pretty cool 1-3 matchup between the Van and the Big Head next week.  Presently it looks like a good matchup.  Let’s hope Cooper plays and shows up.  Video games is pulling Bye Week and the Byes presently have their D on the bye so we’ll see what shakes out there.  

Big Head Mode Vs. Jordy Bangs Goats
The task fell to me, to sing the song of a great duel between two legs of “You Like That?!”’s triumvirate of slavish writers. Warily I gazed over the event horizon of a struggle that would, in the space of one game, send one of them SOARING to 2nd place at 3-1 and one PLUMMETING into the near-oblivion of 11th at 1-3 [sorry Jarrett]. Vainly I sought to borrow surcease from the burden in the knowledge that it had been a game well-fought by both sides. I wasn’t. It was a slide to ruin and straight-and-arrow passage to the Promised Land at the same time. I can’t do this. I’m not worthy, and I’m not supposed to be here.I have to leave this place.  I’m out.

… {Auto-Run:.>execute: program./default/realcarl’give0010110010up>exe. SHADOW AI ALGOrITHM CARL}..Boot[robotic voice] initializing……     …..   ..

TOpiCAL REFerENce: hhEY you gguYZ like {Vikins football tte1101am??} Andy+Jeff=friendsMOCK THEM

<cAPPtion “See 001 these NUU101011110Berss?!!” they don’t MEAN anythiing101>]

COMPARE STATS: Time=Zero Andy+20 proj@111.93v99.79=jeff, Narrative ,pRECIPitito1010001us fall y=-1.1(minutes)x + 20 initial PrrJect10100010111ed win] T=end/STOP obse01110ve: Jordy=121 [{note^many left bench points!-still=WIN]}

SUMMARIZE Fututre=11010001 Andy @1-3 VS Windowless and JordyVS=CUZNUG$Narrative”3-1”3-1”both percentile.>=85% -Very FuuNN..

execute: continue ev01010ving…

Cuz Nug 135.06 vs. Laces Out 122.36
Leading the way of an unusually high-scoring week that saw 11 out of 12 teams top 100 points (don’t bother looking up who didn’t clear the benchmark, it doesn’t matter) was Zachary Ty Olson. This loss is gonna stick in Finkle’s craw (what is a craw, exactly? And what’s a craw on a confused individual such as Ray Finkle?), since his score would have bested 8/11 of his prospective opponents. But instead he had to watch Hunt, White, Cooks, and Mahomes all score over 20 points in the same week. Looks like doubling down on that KC offense has proven very beneficial to the Minnesota Wolverine.

“And seriously?” thought Finkle, “The GD Pats have to decide to give James White the most fantasy points of the season the ONE week that I’m up against him?” Improving on his high water mark by 14.6 points was all the difference it took. Finkle looks to greatly benefit from the check-down throws of a QB who knows how to Beathard, and Boyd is a solid waiver pickup, but who expects the stud receiving duo of the Michael Bros. to pool their efforts into just over FIFTEEN points? LACES OUT!

Week 3 REcaps Are Getting Tighter

Week 3 maybe you should play a phone game instead

Today is a different day and a new week starts.  To add to that new week its Andy’s freaking Birthday.  I found this picture of him at his new job.  Looks like he’s taking the chain-saw world apart.  And if you didn’t already read this HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDY.
Before we recap the individual games here is a quick look at the standings as brought to you by Number Munchers where you can learn how to do math with the goal of finding higher scores in the coming weeks. 

Waiver Wednesday update:

The big thing on this week’s pick-ups?  Looks like we might need to augment the waiver system.  

Nick got Eifert and that feels like a steal.  Tyler Boyd seems to have been popular so I hope he pays off.  

There has been some chatter on should we switch to free agent blind bidding? Think about it folks.  It’d be fun.  

Time for trades yet?

Jordy bangs goats v All the VIDEOGAMES!!

by Ardy
Yes yes, two of your regular columnists were pitted against one another as early as week three. This contest would almost drive one from the fold, but happily, he’s back in action in this week’s newsletter. Carl was riding high after last week’s 65 points from Cousins and Diggs, but no one expected the Vikes would fall so flatly on their faces. At least now we know how the mascot’s nose got like that.

Last week’s champ just kept the ball rolling, advancing to 2-1 on the backs of strong outings from two Seattle veterans, and the ONE Viking who balled out. Helps that Will Fuller the fifth is officially has a “pace” of 15+ each game. Carl could have done it with some bench moves, but who is gonna bench the Vikes duo at HOME after a performance like THAT in Green Bay? No one, that’s who. Hats off to Jeff, who was able to comfortably leave some points on the bench. It’s rare to have such a cushion.

Looking ahead, Carl will be watching Big Head vs. Jordy fairly closely, plotting his takedowns of both of us in the process.  If things don’t change soon for the home team, I might be relegated to a mere journalist in this league. And all is not lost for Carl himself, who can create some space between him and fellow 1-2 Windowless van. Both sides have a bye week issue, and it’s likely going to affect Carl more, because that’s 1, maybe 2 TDs he can’t count on anymore.

Big Head Mod v Laces Out
by Jeff

Its a B+ v C grade via the old Yahoo.  Yahoo’s algorithm is lazy bro.  Let’s get deeper folks.  Brady sucked so that didn’t help Ray but it also hurt Ardy cause Brady throw to Hogan folks.  Evans got some late run thanks to FitzMagic and smoked Goodwin.  Goodwin might be hurt statswise cause who’s his QB now?  Zeke and Johnson off-set.  Oh snap that Evans boost got eaten by McCaffrey.  Finally, white silk is paying off for Ardy.  Oh nooooo Kittle just straight murdered Dissly.  Can Ardy come back from this?  Okay, Howard knocks Thomas down but then Tucker kicks McManus in the nobs and ends it.  Oh shit Ardy is dazed and its the DIAMOND CUTTER.  THE RAMS COMING OUT OF NOWHERE AND EXECUTE A PERFECT DIAMOND CUTTER.

Cuz Nug v 501st
by Ardy
For Pat Mahomes, a 25-point outing is a bit of a regression. It might have been concerning, had 7/9 positions on Tim’s side performed below projections. Kamara was a standout, and he won the kicker battle, but traitors don’t prosper in this league. Thus the gods of SKOL smiled down upon Zach and his squad, saying “don’t worry guy, you don’t NEED a kicker to win this week.” If it’s any consolation, there was no help from the bench. 

Coming up this week, Zach is up against Ray for the clash of some 2-1s. Their projections differ by 0.55 pts, but Ray has the edge as his performance this season has him sitting in 2nd place, while Nug has the same record but is sitting 5th.

Tim, on the other hand, is going up against the undisputed #1 in our league, the newcomer LCpl Underground. Smart money’s on Nicholas’ continued dominance, but the 501st is putting a burning hot Calvin Ridley on the field. Big upset potential if you’re picking games (which you can do by viewing a matchup, then clicking “pick to win” on either side). Helps that Nicholas has two guys on bye. Good luck to both.

Windowless Van v Steel House
by Jeff
Thanks Tom.  An 0-3 Kegger wouldn’t be a happy Kegger.  Really thanks to Drew mother-fucking Brees.  Dude I hated watching that guy roast the Gophers at Purdue.  That 40.54 totally covered for Cooper being Cooper.  What’s up with Cooper this year?  Nick man I’ll give you some flotsam if you’d like?  Tom was just plain unlucky this week though.  I mean come on dude can’t get a score over his forecast.  This match was pretty much over as soon as Sunday AM kicked off.  Better luck this week Tom.  Glass Joes are pretty rough so far so please don’t give them a free-pass.  Nick man you’ve got a tough one this week.  The videogames are looking for an early week bump from their slumping Vikes.  Good luck fellers. 

LCpl Underground v Search for Saq-uatchby Curt
The grizzled and gun-powder caked Lt. Cpl took one last cigar draw as he looked out over a field of dead apes. “Well,” he gruffed to his limping sergeant, “that’s one less place where THAT bigfoot could be.”
Sitting atop the pile after three games is Nicholas with consistent play and reliable production from Cam Newton, Brown and Bernard. You know I five out of nine of my starters were Vikings. He won’t have Cam Newton going into week 4 (watch those Bye Weeks, Boys!) but the military man has Baltimore. Flacco on deck vs. a favorable match-up against Pittsburg’s defense so don’t cry for him. Bryon for his part has great upside even in this his first loss of the season and even though all but 2 of his players won their real games, his team didn’t get near his projection of 109.85 this week. He’ll look ahead to Jeff’s Team for a chance at taking back the top spot from a middle-ranked Ekim Yor. They were at home and 17 point over-dogs and looked like poo; look I dropped L. Murray if anyone’s interested. GD
 The coaching breakdown brought to you by…

A man and his dog

Lcprl 88% and playing 6 out of 9 of his best options. That’s solid play, and considering 5 out of 6 of his benched players had very favorable match-ups (the green shit), it’s fair to say that the Colonel thinks for himself making him a very dynamic and self-driven adversary and one to be feared for the rest of the season.  Sasquatch  62.4% making only 4 of the nine best roster moves at his disposal. A D– won’t get you any ass, so get on the F-Series and be a Man… Ape… Beast…(?) You Fuckers.

The Glass Joes v Jeff’s Team
, Curt Lookin’ like a greased King Hippo gettin’ into spandex, Jarrett couldn’t pull over the upset against one of our more chameleon-tastic managers and now sinks to the bottom of the standings at 0-3. Things looked promising at the outset, with a resurgent Bears defense handling the hapless Cardinals and good performances by Rodgers, Jones, Funchess and Breida, but Ekim had the goods with Deshawn Watson getting 25% of his Jeff’s Team’s score and more points than his real-life Texans did in their latest loss. The future looks dire for The Joes as Rodgers continues to have knee problems, Atlanta’s defense not being able to get Jones and Ryan much field-time, and Jimmy G.’s season-ending injury probably ripping down to hinder Brieda’s prospects as the pass game will have difficulty getting established. Start pressing SELECT a bunch, Broseph!

This Coaching Grade Break-Down brought to you by

You’re All Set! The professional euphemism for ‘now feck off, ya wee grubby wanka’s!

Jarrett at 99.2% with 8 out of 9 of his best choices, and a paltry .7 off of the best… WHAT CAN YA, DO, ya know?!? At least you get an A here this week. You know this GD APP gave me the SHAME notification for my faith in Minnesota this week and forced me to walk naked down the street. If you see the pictures remember it was kinda cold- so don’t gimme no Shit. (Clears throat.) So yes, in the other corner Little Mac aka. Jeff’s Team with 96.9% and also 8 out of 9 of the best plays. Good job, Guy, and I hope you and your family enjoy the Arby’s coupon.
Now go watch Thursday Night Football! And SSSKOOOOOOLLLL, VikingS!!!

BOOP – Hero Hunters Ep8 BOOPHunters are still riding

Colonel Wesson the man might be more myth than legend

Aaron and I chat HeroHunters as we should probably be sleeping on a Friday evening.  There is a lot that’s happened in the game.  We are getting ready for next month in a lot of ways now already.  We just rocked out a bounty event last week.  Right now there isn’t an event really bumping.  We’ve got a few coops rolling.  Side-bar the Twins ended up tying and losing in extra’s to a walk-off dinger.  There is a frag event that’s about to happen.  Right now we are in a bit of a holding pattern.  There are a couple new characters coming out next month but we didn’t even get to that on this one. 

Three levels deep to get the platinum upgrade knocked-off

Then if you stay with us long-enough we broach some podcasts we are listening too and I think we might’ve been wrong factually on a few of them.  Maybe we’ll have to readdress that in the future.  

Six possible and both of us just have five of the UAF Heroes

Week 2 where we find ourselves no longer in Kansas

There are times when you miss, there are times when you kiss and then there are times when you tie the GB Packers. 

This past week might just be a little bit of all three.

Before we recap the individual games here is a quick look at the standings as brought to you by Geico where you can save some meaningful percentage on your car insurance if you click on their product. 

Waiver Wednesday update:

Looks like we know where Tim’s Loyalty lies, choosing Crosby over Bailey with his waiver priority. Makes you wonder if Carl even knows about the waiver wire, missing out on an opportunity to snag Minnesota’s shiny new kicker. Steel House made a major upgrade by picking up DeSean Jackson, and The Glass Joes might actually have a keeper in the Outlaw Jesse James. And don’t sleep on Nicholas, the ringer brought in to teach us all a lesson. He made three pickups that could play large dividends the next few weeks.

Time for trades yet?

Big Head Mode Vs. 501st

Enhance Your Head, John Spartan
by Curt
Andy beat Tim. He needed Bears’ Howard to get 4.52 on MNF and it got a little suspenseful after the half when he wasn’t quite there… come’on, just one more run… come –‘ere you, come ‘ on you… GET A GD RUN! Sorry, echo’s of my last week with Jordy, who I fired. Anyway he got 8.3 giving Ardy the W to move to 1-1. Big Ben got 38.98, and Ardy also has The Fitzmagic (who beat the Eagles at home) on his bench-look out for this guy. Tim beat Carl last week in part because Carl thought it was another preseason game and benched all his starters. Ardy didn’t make the same mistake and netted a coaching grade of 90.3% as he prepares for Laces Out. Tim playing J. Cole (of Jacksonville) over either D. Adams (GB) P. Garcon (SF) or his slashie (D. henry – Ten RB) would have won. Woulda shoulda coulda.

His coaching grade was still a solid 87.5% as he heals for this week’s bout with Cuz Nug. Personally, I think 501st’ kicker, <some fired guy>, was practicing controlled, intentional missing ‘cause Vader wanted the rebels to escape. Or some shit. Whatever. Fired. Moving on.

Steel House v Jordy bangs goats
by Curt
Dental Floss Smells Like Ass
Sometimes the recommended drafts are good ideas. Gurley, the #1 pick and chosen by a robot seems to be paying dividends, he scored 30.8 (proj. 20.7 – 50% over) and Kelce showed up this week against Pittsburg. Tom started an OUT kicker and benched Matt Ryan but who could blame him because the Bills look like buffalo dung and Rivers was gonna be a safe bet. After-the-fact calculations show coaching grades of 92.8 for Jeffrey and 89.3 for Tom. Jeff played Houston’s Defense when he should have played Houston’s WR Fuller V (or fifth? Or fif?).

But even with perfect coaching there wasn’t a way out of this loss. It was like a trap; or some strong-material-ed enclosure. Some kind of solid-structured place or thing that makes or engineers or generates points and you can’t get out of it 😐 Yes, friends, Tom Nagel is here to say. Last year’s champ is middle of the road at 222.84 pts. and 6/12 in standings heading into his next game against The Vids, Tom Nagel has the highest point total so far at 259.8 heading in his next against Windowless. *Gjallarhorn Blast!*

Cuz Nug v LCpl Underground
by Jeff
The grades are in and by a + LCpl puts Cuz underground.  This one was tight largely due to the -1 pt Baltimore’s D hung up on the board.  Which still somehow has them tied for 13th best defense fantasy scoring-wise so far this season.  There are currently 7 DEF available that have outscored Baltimore this season.  Its early in the year and if you were going to talk of statistics it should be noted there is quite a bit of noise after just two weeks.  
The whole league needs to be aware of Pat Mahomes.  Sure isn’t a ballboy anymore. 

Superman paced him enough to keep it close.  With the Eifert v Engram match-up tilted in LCpl’s favor but like I said earlier just look at these positional match-ups and this one was razor thin the whole way through.  These two teams are stacked and have high-octane QBs to power them through the season.  

Good luck to Cuz Nug as they look for their 2nd win against the 501st.  LCpl Underground looks to continue full-steam ahead against the mythical questers from the northwest.

Laces Out v All the VIDEOGAMES!!
by Ardy
This matchup could have created some space in the league, pitting a 1-0 versus an 0-1, but instead, they found themselves separated by 20 points and tied in the season rankings. Finkle could have done it if he had read his crystal ball correctly, but he was afraid (rightfully so) of that Jags D, and who can bench a guy that had almost 20 points last week? Clement and ASJ balled from the bench, and only made things more complicated going forward. Carl’s team sealed the deal by starting two players playing catchup to take a game into overtime. Touchdowns abound, and it was enough to make up for single-digit outings from 4 players on other teams. Seeing Rudolph find some rhythm with Cousins will push this squad one stem closer to a Vikes-dominated lineup.

Windowless Van v Jeff’s Team
by Ardy
Don’t look now, but last year’s Skolster is at a 50% win percentage. How did he get there, you ask? Well, it helps when 6 of your position players score above their projections. Ekim has doubled down on Houston, so as Deshaun and DeAndre get back up to speed, Jeff’s Team will reap the benefits. Since he easily started his best possible lineup with the available pieces, the biggest missed opportunity here was not changing his team name to Nick’s Team. Speaking of Nick, he needed more than a near 30-pt performance from Melvin Gordon the third. Age-old question: is it harder to lose when you had the necessary points on your bench? For Nick, it wouldn’t have mattered this week. Down to 0-2.

The Glass Joes v Search for Saq-uatchby Jeff
The sasquatches came to play. 

They not only won the match-up but they also took the bench battle.  While the Joe’s took home the crown for the lowest score of the week.  If their TE had given them 1.23 points or better they would’ve had 2nd worst over Laces but who’s mincing these types of things?  Thankfully the Joe’s have already found Jesse James to fix the issue. 
The real standout in this matchup was AJ Green.  3 TDs is pretty sweet any week.  Getting the Cincy passing game going could make them a real fantasy force all season.  The Cincy running game looks to be grinding gears but that wasn’t an issue here. 
Doug Baldwin not being available hurt and it probably doesn’t make the searches pleased to see their main squeeze out except for the weeks they face him in fantasy.  
From the afternoon Sunday games on it looked pretty good for the Joe’s to go 0-2.  You just can’t f-with those WR points.

Good luck next week Search takes on LCpl Underground in a battle of the unbeatens and Joe’s takes on the vaunted Jeff’s Team.  Jeff’s might be posers but you can never count a Jeff out.  

One last note before we go this was reportedly found left at a Starbucks in Egan this past Monday. 
Thanks for coming by and drive home safely!!

Copyright © 2018 The Drake Physics Project, All rights reserved.

You paid Andy $20 a year to be part of this, now enjoy it.

Our mailing address is:
The Drake Physics Project

545 Pioneer Trail

Chaska, Minnesota 


Gutenberg Test 2.0

Gutenberg has been in the wild for a few months now.  I’ve been writing posts using this platform and trying out the different block.  I dig it.  Being able to play with the formatting and testing out different blocks has been fun.  A month or so into I stumbled upon Atomic Block and I’ve been working in their fun stuff too. 

Favorite Parts of Atomic Blocks


Being able to add flair

Getting the different pieces to play together

Adding intrigue

Easy to edit and change

There are elements to the individual special blocks that don’t always work smooth.  I’ve had some more issues with the Atomic Blocks after the most recent updates.  I imagine there will be another round of updates to the specific plugin.  I can’t complain for a free product.  The ability to add interactive features, call-outs to specific buttons, galleries of images, video clips is just so slick and easy.  I don’t do a lot of development with my site.  I keep it simple because its really just a publishing platform in my eyes.  Simple tools that look clean, are easy to use and make for a fun back-end and front-end experience are all I’m interested in presently.  I don’t want to spend hours making something work.  I only have a few minutes play with this site in my “free” time.  

The embeds don’t always work for me.  Usually its a YouTube clip that I want to chop into a post.  Or a GIF that I want inline.  So far I’ve been able to either find simple work-arounds like using Vimeo instead of YouTube or taking an embed from Instagram instead.  I haven’t goofed around with a YouTube embed since the update this week.  I should try that again today or tonight and I’ll update this with a call-out if I do try it.

Overall, I think the Gutenberg editor is ready to be the default.  I think that the Atomic Blocks are a great addition to expand the array of blocks you have to work with.  I like dropped the accordion block in for fun.  Takes your post from Web 1.0 to 2.0 instantly.  In the few months I’ve been banging around with this I haven’t broken anything to an unrepairable level.  I’ve found it much easier to add interesting and interactive elements to my posts.  Now they just need to add Gutenberg to the iOS app and everything will be simple for me.  

Week One Recap

Dear True Believers, old and new

Perhaps the biggest shake-ups here at YOU LIKE THAT?! is the addition of two young talents to the weekly writing staff. I’d like to welcome Jeffrey, your co-commish, as a regular contributor to the weekly columns, and Carl from Aqua Teen in a featured role that will hopefully become a weekly appearance. His only request is that there be an active community on this shiny new Yahoo league, so if you want him to stick around, leave a comment on this Week 1 story and keep the group chat going, for goodness sake.
I’ve spent hours a week in years’ past trying to keep the conversation going, but our growth was constrained by the limitations of NFL.com, much like underwear that is too tight. We tried social media as a crutch, but not all were willing to come over to the darkside. And those who were already there were distracted by daily happenings across the globe, like that cat that couldn’t jump far enough.

So here we are, with a new team of writers assembled. For this introductory newsletter, we have divvied up the week’s games, and I apologize in advance for being the boring one. We will try to make sure that Carl gets to take a shot at everyone before week 6.
So without further ado about nothing,

Year 2018, A cold February day, in the Water City…

How long had I been out for? What was this pounding in my head? Could the score reallly have been 38-to feeiackin 7? Like the 7 they got in the first 2 minutes 7? That’s all? Bbbaaalllllllsssssss…
… I stumbled to my feet and rubbed my eyes to see through the haze. As the dust cleared over a ruined and frozen hellscape I saw a massive green eagle perched above my beloved skyline. In its stained talons were the remnants of an American flag, a three-cornered hat, and some broken purple bucket seats. Screeching it tore through the clouds never to be seen again. A beaten but still bloated with gold and drunken with Sam Adams ding-bat stumbled out and took the last bite of lefse before stepping on a loon and quaking away. From the rubble of the steeple I saw what had to have been none other than “Bridge Over Troubled Water” hobbling out, clinging to his VIP Pass and saying, “Why GOD??!”   WWhhhhyyyyyyyy….  
Thor had lost. Half the Vikings fans gave up forever. Half the Star Wars fans went to the Dark Side. I knew this tragedy must never be repeated. I must never play fantasy football again. No, not ME. Not THIS me. Not the one who had Tried Nightrow Tubing and lived to break even. No, like Apollo Creed, or Dylan in the first Predator movie, or the bad guy in Ghost, or (probably soon) Rick Grimes’ son, or that dumbass neighbor in a bunch of episodes, I would have to cross the spirit land. I would need to re-emerge different, and become something elemental, and I’ll need all the best videogame-teachers to help. I’m talking about the SNES here. Imust search for my lost brethren and take on Kefka in the world of ruin. I must become “The Carl”

Jordy Bangs Goats v Jeff’s Team

recapped by Ardy
Talk about believing the hype! The Goat-banger has Case Keenum on his roster, along with NO OTHER QBs. Of course the guy showed up, he was arguably the best value QB on the market. Compared to the QB on the other side, who fell 8.5 pts short of his projection, Keenum outshined pretty much everyone except Fitzmagic (who was, until recently, unrostered – YOINK!). Then there was the battle of the DET receivers, and the Golden boy more than doubled Mr. Jones. Gronk really helped Jeffrey (not Jeff’s TEAM, mind you) make up for losing his #1 pick until God-knows-when by outscoring everyone on Ekim’s side, most of them twice over.

We’ll see if Ekim keeps using mind games as his main offense, or if he can try to put a team together who doesn’t miss their projection by 40 points.

Big Head Mode v Cuz Nug

by Carl

First I knew I had to find my commissioner’s office management to rebuild a bridge to Kefka. I shiny new face sported the purple tunic of Minnesota where-in a double-barreled Kirk-zooka blast hit in MPLS. Ardy Party had a slight edge against his big-nugged similar-looking “cousin” Zach going into the grudge match between these old dogs. Fate seemed to favor the conservative, after all I’m too young to remember the last time the Browns won anything, so SURELY Big Ben with his arsenal would pile on the points. The Browns would in fact TIE, and Ben would score 4 under his projection in a messy game. Zach meanwhile started Mahomes against the Charges and would beat his projection by 10 points for a solid 28.34 – 12 add-in. Pittsburg’s own WR Juju on Cuz would actually out-score Roethlisberger on Ardy.  Zach’s Beckham was the only reason Eli Manning didn’t just give up behind a porous O-Line by posting a nice 16.5. The Nutz put the screws to Big-Head by starting Mixon vs. Indianapolis and going yard for 23.4. By Monday the party was dying down and Ardy-Head must have been deflating like one of Tom Brady’s 6 balls as he (probably) did the calculation to find he needed his kicker to score 27.84 points. He didn’t. Ardy could have won only with perfect coAching, and only by 1.61 points. As it was Ardy got 77.7% of his ceiling, and Zach got 86.2% and won the day.  *Final Fantasy Victory Music*

501st 114.14  v All the Videogames!! 107.86

Benches Shoulda Cleared
by Jeff

Week one of the all Vikings related draft with Sterling Shepard and Jordan Wilkins went about as expected.  501st preserved the win Monday night with an uninspired performance behind Matt Stafford.  Stafford looking more like Kegger’s golf game spraying and praying all over the field.  4-1 would be sweet if it was TDs to picks but it wasn’t it and 12.04 points didn’t matter thanks to Kamara launching the team past a few uninspired results.  The Charger’s -3.00 points is funny but not as funny as Videogames 100.72 bench points.  Its possible Carl will find room for a few of those guys off the bench this week against Ray but its also possible you can read.  You got unlucky in the WR selection.  We all know that Jacksonville had a great defense last year but you banked on regression.  Conversely, we all knew that Tennessee had a horrible defense last year but having already decided to follow regression you held strong and I commend you.  The Jared Cook thing is an after-thought that makes sense right?  I mean they play on a baseball field so you don’t want to worry about running on and off the dirt so just throw to the guy that stays in the dirt?  I don’t get that one but I’m guessing Denver’s use of actual linebackers might slow him up a bit.  Rudi always likes to light up the Pack so good luck on that choice this week.  Yeldon getting the load after the Fournette injury is something you couldn’t have seen before-hand but it’ll be a nice bird in the hand going forward.  I feel for you on the Ginn-in or Ginn-out decision.  You’d imagine he’d have 3-5 TDs this year and he just spent one on your bench.  

I’m not saying you should’ve known which guy was going to explode for the Jets but I might be tempted to wait another week to see if the Jets are legit a thing or if the Lions just suck again.  

Good luck next week to both of you.  Videogames watch your kicker, looks like it might rain.  501st two of your scary RB are projected to be in the rain too.  Best of luck boys!

Laces Out v Steel House

Steel House, Padded Walls, All the Ballz,
by Carl

The most high-octane event of the week was Between Ray and Tom and saw both players beat their projections as well as both players score over 97% of their ceiling. Ray did what he does best: Dress up like a woman, get promoted to chief of Miami’s Police Dept., steal a real goddam dolphin, grind on Jim Carry, and especially use his sensitively to the kinds of emotional stress that athletes have to endure to intuit a starting team that averaged over 18 points a player. He would have even more impressive stats but for Titans Tight End (huh, tightens… tite.. an..d.. NEAT) Delanie Walker busting up his leg and being out for the season. His IRL adversary was the usually reliable Travis Kelce but disappointed Tom on the field with a paltry 1.1, less than 10% his projected value. Tom’s kicker and D/ST were standouts for the normally lower-scoring spots but in the end 4 of his guys kinda stunk. I guess sometimes the projections are wrong. I guess sometimes you shouldn’t do what “the pros” recommend. Imma gonna draft Cousins with the third pick-and-then-only-vikings-forever- WHAT, ARE YOU QUEER?!?

Sorry. AAnnnyywho next week Tom faces off against Jordy Bangs Goats and may have to make some tough decisions like whether to roll the dice with Kelce away at Pittsburg or The Packers’ Graham at home vs. the formidable Vikes D. He also has Eagles WR Jeffrey (other guy) out vs. Bucs and WR D. Parker of Miami questionable with a finger injury. As for Ray, He’ll have to decide if the real GOAT can win against their motivated AFC rivals in their own house or press his “Luck” against Washington to beat All the Videogames. Staaayyyyy   TUUNNEEED! 

Windowless Van 118.96 v Search for Saq-uatch 140.22

0-1 unlucky bastard
by Jeff

Search for Saq-uatch picked up the early season win.  We could take pity on the Windowless Van by pointing out they’d have beaten both sides of three contests this week and tied another.  The legit fourth-highest point total for the week but that sort of talk doesn’t win championships.  If the van doesn’t find a rudder pretty soon they’ll be staring down the barrel of 0-2.  Typically in years past, we’d have suggested something like starting Emmanual Sanders over Amari Cooper especially when you factor in Cooper is facing top-end secondaries for first two weeks and furthermore has ProFootball Focuses toughest graded slate of CB to face for the season.  Let’s not trouble ourselves with facts when we let this guy call plays for him instead.

Austin Ekeler is essentially a fart in the wind heading the other direction.  Good luck this time but next time I’m not betting on it.  Don’t forget that next week you’ll be dealing with Jeff’s Team and their no-nonsense attitude.  
As for the winner.  I thought you were a Seahawks fan?  Sure you played Wilson over Mariota. Were drafting Tyler Lockett just to prove it?  Nah, I’m clowning that was essentially a perfect lineup.  Kupp would’ve netted you 1.2 more points.  The real weak point in the roster today appears to be the tight end.  Simple just working in legs-day every day.  Problem solved.  Don’t overlook the Glass Joes’ on the horizon bro.  They don’t have a tight end right now.  What if they added Will Dissly?  They might beat you.  Come to think of it Dissly is a Seahawk so go get’em.  Eric Ebron and Jesse James are names of people too.  

The Glass Joes v LCpl Underground

recapped by Ardy
Newcomer Nicholas was Narrowly projected to win his game against Jay-Rett, and even though they both fell short of projections, one fell much shorter. ESPN had an article pointing to the name change to “the glass joes” being responsible for AA-ron leaving the game for x-rays. 

But then this guy Discount Double-Checks himself before you-know-what and leads his team to a masterful come-from-behind victory! If he hadn’t missed time, who knows what was possible. But it’s hard to win when two of your slots combined get -4 points, as was the case with D. Baldwin and the A’ints (as in, “ain’t gon’ play defense”). Nicholas’ defense, on the other hand, got 17 points, which is, like, one million percent of -4 (don’t check the math on that). Solid performances from Cam, Brown, and Keenan, plus the return of Lucky TY, sealed the deal. We’ll see if Jarrett can avoid 0-4 before Ingram suits up, but it won’t be easy.


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Code Keyboard

I write a lot at work.  I try to put out two to three reports a week that tend to be between 50-200 pages per report.  I’m using my keyboard constantly.  If its not typing, editing, retyping, its researching.  I’ve been at my current position for just over five years.  In that time frame I’ve burned through four keyboards.  Years ago I found a basic keyboard layout and design I like and I’ve just gone back to that well constantly. 

For me its been some general variation of the Logitech k550.  I’ve tried their solar powered version but I didn’t really like the shallow keys.  I settled back in for their middle of the road option.  The best part was its was cheap.  I could get a keyboard and a mouse combo at Costco for around $60.  I’ve purchased said combo probably twenty times for myself and other people within our office.  When Costco changes the keyboard then I change.  People within my office like those solar boards so we’ve been buying them online because they are no longer offered at our local Costco.  Buying those keyboards online ends up running closer to $75 per board.  Last week my K560’s left shift key quit working consitently.  I’m left handed I have a hard time using the right shift key.  Then control started working in a more spotty fashion.  I looked to see what keyboard was at Costco, they had moved to a more ergonomic design and it was $10 more for the set.  I decided to look elsewhere.  

Being mindful that I’ve replaced my keyboard roughly every 1.25 years I decided the status quo should change.  A keyboard is a tool that just has to work accurately on a daily basis.  I don’t need frills or added features.  I just need quality.  The typing experience isn’t something that I generally worry about.  Does the keyboard work is the first priority.  Does it have a few media keys so I can turn the volume up, down or mute it quickly.  My keyboard didn’t have backlit keys and this wasn’t a must.  My keyboard needs to have a tenkey and it needs to have function keys.  Otherwise, I’m not that picky.  

Once you open the pandora’s box of keyboards you will be amazed.    I think that is part of the reason I had constatly just gone with the cheap and easy solution.  I don’t want to spend time oiling my keyboard.  If I need to replace keys that usually means I’m getting a new board.  I’d seen the Code Keyboard since its inception.  I had always thought wow that’s cool but I’m not dropping $150+ for a keyboard when I can get the keyboard/mouse combo for less than half that figure.  Now, I’m looking at the four dead keyboards totalling roughly twice what the Code runs and I’m thinking okay maybe it makes sense.  I read some reviews, look around for other options and decided I’d give it a shot.  I’m sure there are better values to be found.  I was able to get the Cherry MX Clear keyswitches.  I don’t want to announce to the world how much I’m typing or how amazingly hard I hit my keys.  I just want to type.  I wanted to sort of get into mechanical keyboards but I didn’t want to build one I just wanted to buy one that was set-up and ready to rock out of the box.  

Today, it arrived.  The board is amazing in its minimalistic spendor.  Just a black appearance.  Most people are going to come into my office and be like cool you’ve got a cheap keyboard on your desk.  I’m banking on that “cheap” keyboard lasting 5+ years, really hoping for 10.  Not just because I spent closer to $180 to get it to my desk but because I also don’t want to be throwing stuff in the landfills constantly.  I like the idea that if the shift key goes out on this one I can possibly just replace it.  I also like the idea that if the slight noise (sounds more like a type-writer than a keyboard) gets old I could spend $20-30 for key dampeners.  By changing my personal perspective on the keyboard I’m hoping to extend the life of the device.  Possibly I’ll get more out of the keyboard too.  Instead of just a thing I mindlessly punch at maybe it’ll become more of a three-dimensional tool.  Even if it doesn’t I’ll be able to find it at night.  

After typing on it for a few hours I had to write this post.  The keyboard is smooth, it is buttery, and it feels more relaxed on my fingers.  The downside would be it is loader than i had expected.  Its pretty quiet but the keys bounce back up and there is audible noise from that.  The keys have this really satisfying pressure when you press them.  The feedback is great.  Part of that feedback is wanting to then kit the keys in a satisfying fashion.  That satisfying attack leads to them being slightly louder.  Its a type-writer on my desktop.  I feel like I’ve been fooling myself with a different experience.  I legit enjoy typing on this thing.  As long as its duribilty holds I can see using it for years and I’m less than two hours in.  The keys are a little more spread out or have more travel between than my previous keyboard or than the small form factor one I’ve been using while I waited for this beauty.  The quick review is its worth it.  The long-play we’ll see.  The added features we’ll see but right now they are gravy to me.  

Arsenal v West Ham United

  • 3rd mn Guendouzi passes long off a quick restart to pick out Bellerin
    • Possession is lost quickly
    • Guendouzi blows the tackling going the other way
  • WH striker reaches for a ball bit of a rough tackle via Stafi that seemed to give WH strike a knock
  • Arsenal passing isn’t crisp but its quick
  • Lots of pressure on the backline due to the high-line and the transition to the shorter passing style
  • Back four isn’t synced
  • Front four isn’t fully synced either
  • Guendouzi sees things ahead of his teammates and when he understands his teammates runs a little better he’s going to spring people
  • 7th mn Bellerin gives up a ball that turns into a counter 5-4 but arsenal recovered to have numbers 7-5 pretty quickly
  • Midfield shape seems to be more of a quadrant system than a pure one back, one up idea
  • 11th mn Ramsey offside goal.  The combos are there they just need time to perfect
  • 12th mn WH offside trap beat shows the lack of cohesion
  • Nacho goes down 17th after a great run up the pitch
  • The game was really slanted toward arsenal the first goal really came against the run of play
    • Arsenal gave it up in midfield then recovered
    • While starting to push numbers the midfield was up.  It was a 3 on 4 Arsenal’s advantage
    • Arnautovic makes a simple run from Cech’s right post towards the left.
    • Felipe Anderson takes the ball from inside the right post toward the outside of the same post.  
    • Stafi commits to Arnautovic the pass comes in and Stafi misses the interception and the subsequent tackle.  Sok steps up to challenge just as Arnautovic shoots. Arnautovic picks out just inside Cech’s right post and even though Cech has guessed correctly he’s not able to cover.  
  • Instead of deflating Arsenal keep pressure and keep finding the ball
  • The linkages are just fractionally off.  
  • Bellerin and Mkhi share a few passes down the right flank.  The recycle with Stafi to Mkhi who finds a streaking Bellerin.  Belli crosses in and Auba, Ramsey, and Iwobi all commit to the box.  The pass doesn’t find anyone but Nacho is on the backside to clean up the free ball and bury it for a 1-1 scoreline.  
  • Shortly after the restart Antonio just runs passed Belli who was on the front foot and not ready for the run.  
    • Luckily Antonio was expecting this much space and just essentially passed it to Cech
    • This really speaks to the depth and quality top to bottom.  There are clearly danger men on every EPL side. Anderson has qualities that should find him as a starter on any team in the league.  Antonio appears to be more of a rotational player based on the form of the moment. In fairness maybe he’s still feeling out this attack.  Heaven’s knows Arsenal weren’t cleanly linking
  • The WH midfield plan wasn’t really clear to me.  
  • Guendouzi and Xhaka are clearly seeking and destroying with the free reign to pick out any passing going forward of their liking.  Ramsey/Iwobi/Mkhi all are pretty high which creates a definite separation or space between the two levels of the midfield.
    • I’m not that interested in this double-pivot set-up at present.  I like Xhaka and Guendouzi in the midfield together. I’d rather see them slightly higher with a true 6 behind the two.  It’d mean one less attacking midfielder. The work-rate that Guendouzi and Xhaka bring is great. If Auba is going to be the lone striker you could get width through Iwobi down the left and the Bellerin/Mkhi combo down the right.  With two central midfielders slightly higher up the pitch than Xhaka and Guendouzi have played thusly would also give more options when Belli and Mhki are finding combinations down the flank.
  • Auba took one from distance that was nice.  I’m sure he’ll be wanting to get off the mark
  • Sok and Stafi don’t have a great feel together at present.  Too much space created between the two and they are both reacting at the wrong times.
    • Sok seems slow
    • Stafi is coming in for the challenge but just not timing them well so he’s a fraction early/late
  • Laca on to start the 2nd half is fun.  Iwobi didn’t look bad to my eyes.
  • Cech reminds me of the last few years of Brad Friedel.  The ability is still there for the most part but he’s probably not a twice a week starter and it’ll probably take him a little longer to get back to match fitness every week.  
  • The Anderson-Arnautovic combo is solid.  Arnautovic having to sub off was too bad
  • Chicharito has always been a dude that should cause more issues for my money.  Anderson and Chicharito might be too similar but being able to go from the more direct and powerful option to more of a speed option will probably prove useful during the season.
  • Torreira coming on made sense to me and I’m interested to see him with Xhaka
    • I think that Torreira is more of the pure 6 that Arsenal have lacked for years
    • I want to see him with different pairings.  
    • Xhaka has more experience within the EPL and putting him with Torreira instead of Guendouzi limits the youth you are exposing to difficult situations.  
    • Both players are still capable passers.
    • It’ll come down to who is best acquainted with Emery’s formation/system and who ends up having the fitness is to the level to best extract results
    • I’d still rather see Torreira as a lone holding midfielder
  • The issues that I see for Arsenal is mainly associated with our lack of cohesion.  I think that when the team has a few hundred more hours under their belt together things will look a lot more smooth.  

BOOP – Hero Hunters Ep6 Sept Update

August UpdateBoopHuntersCash MoneyHero HuntersHotHead GamesIfritiOSMavenMorlockPvPRazorbackThe new update dropped.  Its pretty big.  We just started getting into it.  Here’s a link to the official release data.